core of being

When you're out on your own as a solo entrepreneur, it is not just scary for the financial reasons, but it can be scary for the competitive reasons. When you go solo, you lose the security blanket of coworkers and "the company". You become completely, 100% accountable for everything you produce and don't produce.When I left corporate employment, I said to myself that I am going to do things differently.

Competitiveness comes with brute force. Yesterday, for example, I learned from a magazine editor that an article I wrote was going to be published a month after publication by an article a competitor wrote. Of course, I was certain that this competitor had sent in the article long after I had submitted mine, but mine was lost in the shuffle when the magazine's offices reorganized. I was also certain that this competitor had decided to write her article after knowing I had written mine, and she must have latched onto my ideas and other people's ideas. I felt threatened.

This sense of threat was overwhelming. I found myself unable to think about much else. I did not think productive thoughts. The thoughts ruminated in "threat" and "competition" and "my ideas being stolen." It was mostly mind chatter, and the amount of chatter and mind-garbage can be mind-shattering in itself. It's like listening to a scratched CD where the same scratched spot replays again and again, and you're just listening to it without questioning why you're listening to it, and not walking away or better yet –removing that CD off the player when you have all the power in the world.

Some time later I remembered why I went out on my own in the first place. A strong voice inside my heart, a strong pull, told me this is what I was meant to do. I was meant to do something bigger than this. I only needed to trust that this is what I was meant to do and keep self-doubt and fear at bay.

It is like an art of living without fear, living in the knowing, and living in trust of a universal power that has urged me to where I am today.

Yes, I like to win. I like fame and fortune just as much. What makes me excel is not standardizing myself against someone else, or comparing what I had done with what someone else might be doing. What drives me, what keeps me alive, on purpose, on path, and on track – is the commitment to my "roots" and to the core of my being. To serve others. To make a difference. To be the voice of those who dare not speak. And to make positive changes in this profession as well as in the world.

These days I am able to project myself outward more, to view myself objectively and view my life as a very short span of being in timelessness. I've been given a gift to come here and to do something with my life, and to give it away in service. Not everything is going to make sense or be comfortable, but that doesn't mean I should give up my right to be the master of me. Things will "go wrong" in my ego eyes, but in my spiritual eyes, nothing ever goes wrong.

Every time when paranoia strikes and my ego feels threatened, I only need to remind myself who is walking beside me, who I truly am, and what path I have chosen to take.