WHAT?

JULY 01, 2003

No Longer Important

Suzanne said, "Jane, you still write. It's impossible for you to stop writing. Only the content has changed. You haven't been crushed, you're still telling stories, just from real life instead of a make-believe world."

Earlier Yvonne and I were chatting via AOL-IM. Yvonne asked me if I read fantasy novels. I said that I didn't. In fact... I don't "read" anymore. I read emails, newsfeeds, memos, grown-up tips like financial success and career development.

This past weekend when Cass went to camp out in the desert, I watched "American Junior Miss" pagent on a public access channel. The talent competition often includes piano acts. I was in luck - there were two recitals, including my favorite, Chopin's Fantasie Impromptu. I listened and remembered how I adored the piano when I was little. I taught myself to play on a wooden toy piano. My mother was so surprised that she paid for lessons on the real thing. When we moved to Saudi Arabia, that was the end of my piano lessons. Picking up piano again used to be on the forefront of my mind. Then it got pushed further into the recesses until I completely forgot about ever loving to play. That is, until I get reminded like I did with the TV show.

And back to what Suzanne was saying. Yes, I'm still writing, and regularly, about life stuff - about "issues". I miss the creativity I had when I was a child, because that creativity came from the wonder that children hold for the world. No issues. Just the joy of discovery. I sure miss it.

Now I can afford to have many of my dreams fulfilled. I can afford to buy a piano, at the very least pay for piano lessons, if I want. I can sign up for a writing course, or buy lots of books on how to write - or re-register for that children's writing course that I dropped out of in 1996.

I just don't think these dreams are important anymore.