When Cass and I got married, we encountered mostly nonbelieves and naysayers.
Cass and I met for lunch yesterday. He told me that he saw one of his coworkers, L, in the morning.
"Do you remember L? The one who said that our marriage wouldn't work out because we met online and also because we had a long distance marriage before you moved out here?" Cass said.
"Hm, is this the same L who told you that he would teach us how to 'live life' because he knows how to spend money and live beyond his means?" I said.
"Yea, that's the one." Cass said.
"Yea, I remember." I said.
"L told me he's having marital problems with his wife, they're likely to separate." Cass said.
"Uh-huh." I said.
"I told him that our marriage is getting better every day, but not in a gloating way - well, inside I was going 'na-nee na-nee haha' but outside I wasn't as mean." Cass said.
One of Cass's past coworker, J (female), had scoffed at him when she learned that we had gotten married. She said that it wasn't a real marriage, because we weren't even living together. Those kinds of relationships couldn't be real. She also said she didn't believe in getting married without living with the person for at least a year "to see if they're compatible." J was living with her boyfriend of four years, in a "real relationship." Two years ago, the "real relationship" dissolved, J's boyfriend moved out and began dating without missing a beat.
Many people are skeptical of online relationships, and especially of online relationships that consummate in marriage. I don't blame them, even I am a bit leery of the online dating arena, because there are many horror stories of deception and danger. I can't definitively say which online relationships would work out and which ones wouldn't. Given both persons are completely honest about who they are, the success of an online-turned-real-life relationship is the same as any other real-life relationship. People "in real life" make up stories about themselves too, and can pretend to be someone they aren't.
Cass has always been interested in learning why some marriages last forever (till one or both are dead) and some break up within five years. He is curious about the "secrets" of lasting marriage, beyond staying faithful. We've looked at our friends and sometimes see miscommunication or lack of communication. Most of our friends are still single or in somewhat-steady relationships. We feel lucky to have each other, and especially lucky that we are both as weird as the other (it would not have worked out if only I was weird, and Cass was not weird. Cass would have been very frightened.)
On occasion, we would compare our marriage with other marriages that came about through "normal channels." We'd ask ourselves, "Is our marriage normal? Should we be getting along and communicating as we have been? Is this the right way to be married?" Perhaps we still feel scrutinized by people waiting to see our marriage fail. So far, almost everyone's convinced that our marriage is "for real."
"As long as we're happy with each other, let's forget about what a 'normal marriage' is supposed to be." Cass concluded.
"Sounds like a plan." I said.
Cliff Note Version of Marriage of Cass-and-Jane
Marriage
commissioner at Las Vegas: "Do you, Jane, take Cass blah-de-blah-blah-blah?"Jane (giggling nonstop): Okay!
Marriage commissioner at Las Vegas: "Do you, Cass, take Jane blah-de-blah-blah?"
Cass (grinning, and more in control): Sure!
(rings were put on, papers were signed, we were congratulated.)
Marriage commissioner at Las Vegas: "By the power blah-de-blah-blah-blah - Man-and-Wife!"
Cass and Jane: When and where do we eat?
(Actually this isn't a Cliff Note version because the extended version wasn't much longer.)
We promptly gained 10 pounds each and live happily ever after.
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